Explaining the Method

What's the best way to respond when someone says something with which we disagree? In my experience, probably the least productive thing we can do is to state our own opinion. This is especially the case when we state our own opinion in a way that puts the other person down. If we do this as a teacher, then we will probably make an enemy and lose the future input of our student.

But in any case, by doing this we create a situation that has very little future. We simply butt heads and it is not likely that one person will give in to the other, no matter how many facts or reasons either brings forward. And someone is likely to get hurt.

Is there a better way, a way that is more likely to lead somewhere? I think there is and it has to do with the way we respond when there is disagreement. The best way to respond is to ask questions of the person who expresses the opinion. I call this technique "the divine judo" because it does not oppose force with force, but enables the force of the opponent (if that's the right word) to expend itself. For one thing, if you ask enough questions, it may soon become apparent that the person has no idea what he or she is talking about. Or it might happen that a misunderstanding will be cleared up. Perhaps there was only the appearance of a disagreement when there was none. Or maybe we might learn something new by our questioning and actually change our own opinion. In any case, the person we question may well feel valued by our interest in his or her opinion and probably some good will come of it. But it takes discipline on our part, especially the discipline of not getting annoyed at the person with whom we disagree.

A note on the photograph in the header: it is from Kurosawa's Yojimbo. I know that the lead character is a samurai warrior and not a judo expert, but I liked the picture because I think there is something heroic about a teacher who practices this method. Also, in the movie, the warrior fights for both sides and that probably ends up being true in the classroom as well. The students with whom we agree and the students with whom we disagree all need to be defeated in a sense. That is, they all need to learn how to think. And thinking usually does not begin until we realize that we don't have the answer or cannot defend what we think to be true.